Confession 1: I used to tell all my friends in middle school that Mike O'Malley, co-host of Nickelodeon GUTS, was my uncle. He is not (especially not since he started acting on that damned Yes Dear show).

Confession 2: I have yet to find a bass distortion I don't loath (this one comes close), but I am always ready to try a new one, especially when it comes from a company that specializes in bass amplification and effects. Why, hello, Aguilar Agro Bass Overdrive Pedal!

This clean-looking bass stompbox houses the "saturation channel" from the preamp of an Aguilar AG 500 bass head, and features that amp's channel's same controls (minus the EQ): Level, Saturation, Contour, and Presence. Level and Saturation should be obvious enough–they control the master output volume and gain saturation, respectively. The Presence control is a 6db boost / 20db cut for the >4k hi-shelf, and can be dialed in for enhanced attack and definition. Contour is a wide-Q cut / boost centered at 900Hz, granting access to either scooped-mid distortion tones or aggressive, exaggerated mid-range snarl.

The Aguilar Agro Pedal lists for $239 US (street is around $180). It can be powered off a 9-volt source or battery, and features Aguilar's "Gig-saver" bypass circuit, which automatically enters the pedal into true-bypass mode when the battery runs low, so your signal never goes silent. Just like my Moira Quirk love-beacon.