Chinese Democracy Release Spawns Largest Soda Disaster Of 21st Century
People are calling Dr. Pepper the blood diamond of 2008 after the latest controversy involving Chinese Democracy by Guns N' Roses and the refreshing beverage company who made a promise that was too strong to deliver.
The good and actual doctors at Dr. Pepper offered everyone in a America a can of their sweet, sweet soda on the house after the long-anticipated release. Then, the unthinkable happened. Guns N' Roses actually released the album.
Dr. Pepper announced that fans could get a free soda coupon from the companies website, but one thing that the carbonated beverage maker didn't count on was the popularity of their own delicious home brew. Their website was blasted in the ol' sitter with traffic, and it crashed, causing Axl Rose's super-attorney, Alan S. Gutman to roll up his sleeves of justice and pummel Dr. Pepper with a barrage of fist-like words.
“The redemption scheme your company clumsily implemented for this offer was an unmitigated disaster which defrauded consumers and, in the eyes of vocal fans, ‘ruined’ the day of Chinese Democracy’s release. Now it’s time to clean up the mess.”
And anyone who has ever shaken a can of cola and opened it just to dance the dangerous dance called curiosity knows exactly how sticky and sugary of a mess this is. Axl Rose and his junkyard dog legal team are demanding an apology as well as a less haphazardly thrown together plan for distributing free colas to all. Of course, the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group wasn't ready to lay down just yet.
“We are disappointed that GNR’s lawyers are turning a fun giveaway into a legal dispute. We simply commented on the delayed release of Chinese Democracy and openly encouraged the band to release it before the end of the year. Axl even expressed support for our efforts earlier in the year.”
In turn, Rose and his attorney were unforgiving.
“Had you wished to engage in a commercial tie-in with our clients, you should have negotiated a legitimate arrangement instead of hijacking their rights without payment. Rest assured, this misappropriation will not be free.”
This has caused some controversy over at Gearwire with soda-enthusiasts J. Irving-Giles and Owen O'Malley shared heated and contrasting viewpoints about the crisis. J. Irving-Giles was first out the gate.
"Let's face it. If Dr. Pepper was engaged in some giveaway, I have no doubt in my mind that given my reputation as one of the most prolific contest and giveaway winners in history, I would have won not only my own free Dr. Pepper, but everyone else's free Dr. Pepper in America. Shame on Dr. Pepper for trying to give their cola away for free. They deserve to be punished, flagellated even, and somehow, Axl Rose should be compensated. After all, if it wasn't for Guns N' Roses, nobody would have even heard of this 'Dr. Pepper.' I bet he's not even a real doctor. Chinese Democracy is about old school rocking out -- the whole sex, drugs and product placement lifestyle we all lived during the cocaine binge known as the 1980s. Give Axl his money, and give me the millions of cans of free cola I've rightfully won."
Owen O'Malley had different ideas:
"The history of greedy pop-artists trying to make a quick buck off of the Soft Drink industry is as long as the ingredients list on the back of a can of Dr. Pepper. Axl's just pulling the same stunt that Michael Jackson did to Pepsi with that whole "you guys lit my hair on fire while I was shooting a Pepsi commercial and now my scalp is horribly burned and you need to pay for the resultant medical procedures" stunt back in '88. Consequently, 1988 was also the yearG N' R Lies was released, and I believe this recording should be admitted as character evidence against Mr. Rose, not only because it is a terrible album, but also because it clearly states that "G N' R Lies." As Axl is the sole remaining member of that band, I believe any suit brought to court on his behalf can be dismissed out of hand.
"Additionally, I happen to know for a fact that J.I.-G.'s bias against the good Dr. has everything to do with his sardonic allegiance to the written word: since Dr. Pepper's exact flavor is literally indescribable, J. can have no comprehension of it. What a sad, flavorless life he leads."







Owen is my hero.
Owen is my hero.
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