I'm a simple man. I like my flavored vodka neat, my maple quilted, and my guitars and basses to cost $4,000 and up. That's why I'm psyched about the three newest offerings from Harvey Citron and his Citron Guitars brand; even if he is nothing more than an invisible six foot rabbit, he's still my favorite luthier . . . and my friend.

Citron doesn't shy away from out-there designs, so their latest bass-offering is completely radical by their radical standards: it's just a Jazz Bass. The Citron 4-String J-Bass is one of the more traditional designs the company has ever offered -- on the surface, anyway. The body features a maple top over a "honeycombed" ash core, i.e. the body is porous, i.e. chambered, i.e. you got the picture from the term "honeycombed," didn't you? The rest of the bass echos the trad-aesthetic: passive single-coil pickups, dual volume / master tone control layout (though there's also an Aguilar OPB1 active EQ) and Pao Ferro fretboard.

Lest you feared Citron was going all-retro this year, dig the new Citron AEG-12 (pictured), and acoustic-electric, semi-hollow twelve-string that sports Citron's iconic pickup-in-soundhole motif. The pickup is a P90 that's hand-wound by Harvey himself (as are all Citron pickups), and it's accompanied by an EMG under-bridge piezo transducer. Controls allow the two pickup types to be blended together, or a switchable stereo output allows for the routing of the pickups to separate destinations. A preamp for the piezo runs off two 9v batteries.

Finally, the Citron HG features similar electronics to the AEG-12, albeit with different magnetic pickups and a different look. Two of Harvey's-hand-wound humbuckers (not to be confused with fatty fast-food Fuddruckers) represent the magnetic tone here, and the body sports a single f-hole on its upper side. The body is semi-hollow, or "mostly-hollow" as Citron likes to describe it, and the quilted maple top is paired with a mahogany body. The neck is also mahogany, and the fretboard and bridge are rosewood.

These guitars aren't yet identified on Citron's price-list, but a look at the other instruments' going rates is a good hint that you won't be able to afford one. Sorry, I keep conflating "you" with "me."