Typically, the way most of us experience "distorted dancefloors" is towards the end of the night, right before your face connects with one at rapid, unadulterated-by-normal-brain-function speed. With East West Zero-G Distorted Dancefloors, however, you can enjoy crazy, tricked out, neo-disco grooves without dealing with next-day nausea.

AH HA HA HA! In all seriousness, though, if you're too busy to distorted your own dancefloor grooves, let Zer-G's collection of pre-distorted loops do the work for you. This 1.9GB collection (c'mon, Zero-G. . . where's that last 0.1GB?) is perfectly suited for all kinds of electro-dance genres, including grime, grimey minimal, minimal grime, maximal grime, maxillofacial grime, Germanic minimal grime, dirty-dirty dancefloor, please clean your room, you're totally grounded, grimey grime and coprolalia.

To make this disgusting(ly awesome) collection, Zero-G resorted to techniques "ranging from the lowest of lo-fi, circuit bent kids toys, audio files spat out by crashing programs, all manner of overdrives, distortions, bitcrushers and downsampling, to the cutting edge of sound, spectral displacements, morphing, granular synthesis and extreme uses of the highest end reverbs, compressors and delays." If I'm interpreting this quote right, they literally mean that every possible production technique ever devised was used to make dirty dancefloor.

The lead producer on Dirty Dancefloor was Si Begg, a man who has his own Wikipedia page so, you know, look him up! Dirty Dancefloor is available forimmediate downlaod and includes:

• Riffs
• Beats
• Basslines
• FX Loops
• Vocal
• Sub Bass
• Soundscapes
• Pads
• Notes
• Hits
• Fx
• Basses

In the following formats:

• 600 Acidized WAV files
• 600 AIFF Apple Loops
• 420 Stylus compatible REX2 files
• 27 EXS24 Instruments
• 27 Kontakt Instruments
• 27 Reason NN-XT Instruments