We know you've got a long weekend ahead of you, and the last thing you probably want to do right now is spend more time on the internet. But when was the last time we cared about you? This is about Gear. It's bigger than you. Anyway, you've got one of those nifty smart phones and you're on the internet 24/7, what are you complaining about? WE SAID STOP COMPLAINING.

So here's a few links to tide you over while you figure out which friend you're going to offend by not attending their cookout in favor of that other friend's who's got the jacuzzi and XBox Kinect:

• The ten most terrifyingly inspirational (inspiringly terrifying?) songs from the 80s. (via Cracked)
• Weezer covers Radiohead's Paranoid android, note-for-note (pretty much) for some strange reason. (via Pitchfork
• A handy crib sheet for identifying different subgenres of metal, as posted on the MetalStorm forums. (Warning: tasteless.)
• In honor of our interview with John Flansburg on the occasion of the release of their fifteenth studio album, Join Us, we present a Tumblr feed dedicated to desecrating all the TMBG lyrics I grew up singing and loving.

Enjoy your long weekend; you earned it for surviving the rapture last weekend.