Ernie Ball is auctioning off the one of a kind Global Warming Guitar on eBay [Click Here To Bid]. It's currently at $14,420, and the reserve still isn't met. Granted, I've never even seen $14,420 all in one place [especially my bank account], but I'm going to win this guitar. Proceeds will benefit the Casey Lee Ball Foundation, and the auction runs through January 30th, 2008 at 6pm PST. Be there promptly to see me, J. Irving-Giles, accept my winnings because I have dinner reservations I can't get out of at 7pm.

The guitar that they're auctioning off for me to eventually win is the Global Warming Guitar which boasts incredibly elaborate designs like an LED mercury-style thermometer that runs up the fretboard. The guitar was created for Christopher Guest who played it at the 2007 LIVE EARTH live music phenomenon.

Even though all this time was spent over a guitar that would only be made once, over 1,200 hours of work went into that guitar. That's over fifty days [not forty-nine and a half] for all of you who lost various raffles and contests to me over the years where the grand prize winner gets a brand new TI-86.

The Global Warming Guitar shares its shape with the popular Silhouette 20th Anniversary Guitar, and aside from the burden of saving the planet, it carries these features as well:

• Laser engraved figured maple top depicting a flaming Earth
• Real snow globe with Al Gore figurine, "Presidential Seal" and volume-activated lighting [News flash, liberals. Al Gore lost in 2000.]
• Knobs in the shape of an ice cube and an Egyptian pyramid
• Pickup switches in the shape of the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and the Empire State Building
• Painted and laser engraved pickups [to maintain continuity of the image on the body]
• White Corian fingerboard laser engraved with Fahrenheit and Celsius temperature scales
• Functioning LED "thermometer" running up the center of the fingerboard [when the tone pot is pulled up, the thermometer slowly rises to the first fret; freezing is at the 12th fret]
• Flamed headstock
• Fully-detailed guitar backside painted black with sparkling stars complete with a "Blackberry" compartment containing a small faux blackberry fruit

Bid all you want, Gearheads. Not even all the money in the world can deflate the years of meticulous "winner" training I've endured.