Paging former Vice President Gore: we've discovered the source of that "Warming" you've been talking about, and yes, it's man-made. Or to be more precise, Canadian-Shredder-Made. Giddyup, hosers! It's the new Redline series guitars from Godin, the number-eleven name in speed-metal-riffolgy. These three new shred-machines are sure to heat up the Great White North faster then Todd Palin re-entering the earth's atmo* at Tesoro Iron Dog speeds! DANG!

The Redline I was introduced two years ago, coinciding with massive ice-flows that obliterated a small town in northern Saskatchewan. Now that three new Redlines are expected to be unveiled at Winter NAMM 2009, expect weather-disasters on the scale of The Day After Tomorrow, and I don't mean like in the movie, I mean like on the scale of the box-office disaster that was The Day After Tomorrow.

The Redline II will feature a super fast 24-fret rock maple neck, rosewood fingerboard, silver leaf maple body and 2 active EMG humbuckers (neck: EMG-85 / bridge: EMG-81) sure to raise water levels worldwide, forcing the mass migration of 1/5th the Earth's population.

The Redline 3 will sport a similar EMG humbucker arrangement and will be available with a maple or rosewood 22-fret fingerboard and a Floyd Rose tremolo bridge. Buy stock in companies that produce inflatable lifeboats and man-sized safes now.

The Redline HB will feature a rock maple neck with 22-fret rosewood fingerboard and Godin design GHN-1 and GHB-1 humbuckers instead of the EMGs, which will be slightly less hot. Godin will compensate by offering an array of atmosphere ionizing colors and flame tops, sure to tip the balance of nature in favor of "purge all life."

All three of these models will be on display at Winter NAMM 2009, though by the expo's third day, you'll need a mini-sub and three years of scuba training to reach the Godin booth.

*and your awareness. You're welcome.