What's the guitar cable that boards flights before famliies with children under four? Hosa Elite. What's the guitar cable that just got offered an AmEx Black card? Hosa Elite. What guitar cable was just spotted on the arm of [insert teen heartthrob of relevant gender here] walking into the [exclusive nightclub in NYC's meatpacking district]. You know.

Sure, there's plenty of so-called "premium" guitar cables on the market, and they make a lot of promises. You know what Hosa says? "Hooey." Yeah, that's right. Hosa ain't nobody's fool. Oh, you've still got doubts? Try this verbiage on for size:

"The cable's Foamed Polyethylene (FPE). . . [improves] its dielectric properties without adding weight. The result is an astonishingly low 20.8 pF/ft (picofarads per foot) capacitance -- a measurement typically associated with considerably more expensive 'ultra-low capacitance' cables."

BAM! What do you say to that, haters? Oh, you want some more knowledge foisted your way? Careful what you wish for:

"All Elite Series guitar cables utilize a stranded 20 AWG 'Hi-Purity' Oxygen-Free Copper (OFC) conductor for reduced resistance and improved signal flow. Stranding the copper helps reduce capacitance and increase bandwidth. This enables the guitar's sound to retain more tonal character during transmission through the cable -- a feature commonly absent from lesser quality cables."

Oh no, they didn't! But the prolixity don't stop there:

"The Elite Series cable lies neatly on the floor and wraps evenly for clean, organized cable positioning."

SNAP! I'll leave the last word on these cables to Hosa Technology's National Marketing Manager, Jonathan "Please Don't Refer To Me By My Last Name" Pusey:

"We spared no expense in the development of this cable, but you'd never know it from the price. With a rich feature set and a highly competitive price, we are extremely proud of this new product line. I'm confident guitarists everywhere will find much to like."

RECOGNIZE!