We don't know why our Corey had to go and get all those nasty tattoos. Sure, we encouraged the whole "rock and roll" thing when he was young, but that sort of thing is appropriate for children, not grown men. Our boy could have been a surgeon with those steady hands; oh, Harold, where did we go wrong?

I suppose I should be happy that Ludwig has honored his work with the new Corey Miller Signature Drum Kit. He is, after all, quite the television star now, what with his co-starring role on LA Ink (it's French for "the ink," I'm pretty sure). I never thought his silly drumming and self-mutilation would get him anywhere, but then again, I've been wrong before -- isn't that right Harold?

Fine, be a grump. I'm trying to tell you about our son's new commercial endeavor, the Corey Miller Signature Drum Kit. Pay attention to me when I tell you about how it's adorned with tattoo-art designed by our pride and joy. And Corey tells me that even though these kits will be produced in a limited run, they'll still be priced well within reach of working drummers. Isn't that nice?

Yes, that's right, our boy actually called his mother for once. What's that? Well I tried to tell you but you were watching your programs, and you always snap at me when I try to talk to you while Matlock is on; maybe you'll be nicer to me from now on. Probably not though.

Anyway, I have to call Dora and tell her about Corey's new drum kit. Who knows, maybe her youngest will be interested in the 22"x22" bass drum, 7"x14" snare, 8"x12" rack tom, and 14"x16" floor tom. Lord knows you're not interested in anything I say.