In my daily search engine scouring for "mass suicide," I came across this Gizmodo report on the seemingly synchronized failure of failing 30 GB Zunes roundabouts midnight on December 30, 2008. Zune-Goons are calling the widespread and total failure "Z2K9."

A user report from a citizen who asked to be referred to as "Michael," described the situation thusly:

"Apparently, around 2:00 AM today, the Zune models either reset, or were already off. Upon when turning on, the thing loads up and . . . freezes with a full loading bar (as pictured above). I thought my brother was the only one with it, but then it happened to my Zune. Then I checked out the forums and it seems everyone with a 30GB HDD model has had this happen to them."

Adding to the crisis, the shutdown occurred outside of Microsoft's support center's hours of operation, leaving many people commuting to work without the sweet comforts of their mp3 collections to drown out outside noise like panhandlers and oncoming traffic. Speculation points to the latest firmware causing the shutdown, meaning procrastinators might be winning out.

One of my own acquaintances, who has asked to be referred to as Jon O., affirmed his Zune was not working today:

"As a loyal Zunatic, I'm confused and agitated to suddenly be without use of my favorite brown MP3 player. I regularly use the Zune's built-in wifi access to search for other Zunes whose music I would then hypothetically be able to enjoy. However, the search for another Zune in Chicago looks like it's over, until Microsoft's renowned support can get my player working again."

He later added:

"To be honest, I haven't used my Zune in over a month, because there's no way to get music onto it from a Macintosh, and besides, I left my charger in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Still, it's highly disappointing to know that even if my Zune was hypothetically functioning, it would probably freeze upon startup."

With the firsthand source approach turning up fruitless, we're left with Microsoft's official statement:

"We are aware that customers with the Zune 30GB are experiencing issues with their Zune device. We are actively working now to isolate the issue and develop a solution to address it. We will keep customers informed on next steps via the support page on zune.net (zune.net/support).