I just can't picture someone playing a grand piano without also picturing them in tux n' tails. Blame Sesame Street and Victor Borge, if you must, but please, don't sit down to play a Steinway M-170 in Cutoffs and Birkenstocks. Likewise, if you plan on entertaining with a new Roland DP-990R Designer Piano, you'd best pick up the old Black & White from your dry cleaners first.

The DP-99R is designated the Designer Piano for a reason: its faux-ivory PHA II keys are uncanny in their resemblance and similar feel to the real thing. These pachyderm-phonies match beautifully with the DP-990R's Polished Ebony finish, a surface so flawlessly black, it'll be hard to judge your distance from it (and hilarity ensues -- keep away from toddlers). The 88-key piano is also compact, with a depth of only 12", and a cover that doubles as a music rest when folded away.

Of course, if the DP-990R is going to be shown about in cultured society, it better have something interesting to say. Luckily, the Roland Designer Piano is one of the most silver-tongued conversationalists to eve leave the Hamamatsu labs. 128 note polyphony accurately recreates the stereo-sampled piano sound, with a bass-reflex speaker cabinet voicing the 3D sound and Grand Piano resonance. Another classy touch is the continuous-detection damper pedal, a full-range piano pedal that is capable of full-on, half-on, full-off, and every damping variation therein.

In addition to the grand piano voices, you get electric pianos, organs, strings, vocal patches and "others." There are also controls for EQ, dynamics processing, reverb, split functions, transpose functions, and a metronome. You can even playback songs from USB drives or MP3 players, and record your own performances onto CD-2e media.

The DP-990R has an expected availability of July 2009, and the price is TBA. To whet your whistle while you wait, they've included with their press materials an "in situ" shot of the DP-990R, so you can see just how elegant it looks in. . . your therapist's waiting room?