Like the musician equivalent of Monday-night quarterbacks, the world is full of guitarists who've never tried but are still fairly certain they can play the banjo. Then they try. Then they stop.

I've had it explained to me thusly: learning the banjo is akin to learning how to play the drums, i.e. before you can make banjo-sounding music come out of the thing, you've got to practice a whole mess of picking or plucking rhythms — rudiments, really — until they become second-nature. Only then can you approximate an otherwise simple-sounding banjo standard. In short: learning to play the banjo gives you a new-found respect for Steve Martin.

But if you're determined to play banjo you're in luck, because there's a mess of online instructional videos aimed at the novice five-stringer. And most of them are free (minus the cost of an internet connection). And most of them star some of the greatest characters outside of a Flannery O'Connor short story.

Here's a good jumping-off point:

Danny Barnes
[Ol'] Danny Barnes is a Texas-born Seattle-based banjo player who counts Dave Matthews and Mike Gordon (Phish) among his fanbase. He's also got a series of videos up on YouTube that take a very, shall we say, methodical approach to learning the banjo. E.g. the first installment spends its nearly ten minutes covering banjo construction, setup, and tuning. Still, Danny is so affable and plain spoken, the video is an enjoyable watch (plus he looks like someone just roused him from a nap and said "how do you play the banjo?!?!?"). And for the absolute beginner it's great to get this information at this pace and this well-organized.

Choice quotes:
"Don't go horsein' on the neck."
"Sometimes it's the machinery and not the operator."

5minStudio — How To Play Banjo
5minStudio is a catch-all how-to site with only this one banjo video on their YouTube channel. Which is a shame, because it's apparent that this clip is a segment from a longer series. Still, its worth watching as it's a straightforward demonstration of the techniques required to play a specific song: Foggy Mountain Breakdown. The unnamed presenter obviously knows what he's doing, even if he stumbles through his explanations sometimes, and the video is a good example of how the rudimentary roll patterns are modified to create interesting rhythmic patterns. A good follow-up to the Danny Barnes primer.

Choice quote:
"it would be possible to play. . . all four of the first. . . the, the first four notes with just the two fingers. . . but you wanna bring that thumb down there. .. cause then it just repeats right onto itself. .. you could play both the first and the second, the second string with the thumb if you wanted. . . but not on the second time. . . because it comes out of that forward roll and, and your thumb has just hit a note. . . "

David Holt Beginning Clawhammer Banjo
Self-described "Southern Appalachian Mountains musician and storyteller" David Holt makes maybe the most entertaining presenter on this list. In this clip — also an excerpt from a longer video series — Holt explains the basics behind "clawhammer," and alternate playing technique that, at first, seems to more closely resemble guitar strumming. But boy is it hard. Holt at least offers a clear explanation of the elements of the technique and points out bad habits to watch out for. And at the end of the whole thing, he sings a little Tom Dooley to you. I'd pay to see this guy spin some Southern Appalachian yarns.

"I was in Africa in 1986 and I saw griots playing in the clawhammer style."
"Practice that for a week, go on out and spend some more of that money, come on back and I'll show you how to put the chords in!"

RobBourassaGuitarist
As his channel name would lead you to believe, Rob Bourassa is a guitarist. In addition, however, he's a pretty darn-good banjo-player and teacher. This is another good follow-up video to Danny Barnes's inrotductory series. Rob's a little meandering sometimes — and the audio on some of his videos is distorted — but if you can follow his wobbly train of through there's some good pointers in here, as well as some good basic roll patterns to learn. See that fireplace behind him? I'm guessing he lights it by shredding with flint fingerpicks over some kindling.

Choice quotes:
"We're not going to work on rolls outside of a song, because it's pretty much a waste of time."
"I don't have split screen because this is a free video."

freebanjolessons
I don't know if Charlie Fann, the Banjo Man(n) is well-known outside of the free banjo lessons on freebanjolessons, but he should be. This Kris Kringle-lookin' feller has some of the greatest colloquialisms I've heard on the internet. Plus he shreds. Plus his production aesthetic can best be described as "Tim and Eric." Once you get past his quirky character (and the ridiculous "intro" video on his channel) there's some pretty cool banjo playing to admire and handy tips to pick up.

Choice quotes:
"I've taught plenty people how to play, and a lotta people I've taught that didn't learn how to play but that wasn't my fault, they just didn't practice like they ought to."
"Alright, we're gonna learn some thangs about learnin' how to play the banjo now."
"first your banjo needs to be in tune, but you gotta tune it first."